Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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