i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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