i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
