I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
