I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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