Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
