i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
