I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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