the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had sex on a roof
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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