Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
