omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
