i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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