i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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