i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
