it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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