somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
