I'm really into asian looking animals
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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