She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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