i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
