Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
