omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
