highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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