I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
