Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i will never coherently bang her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
