who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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