i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Randomize
