her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This baby is an asshole
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
