I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
