I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
