she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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