i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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