So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
