It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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