Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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