I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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