i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you win again, gameday.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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