i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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