I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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