Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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