I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was like eating out sand paper
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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