I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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