What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
