one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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