i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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