i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize