If that was your dad, he is hot
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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