Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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