I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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