Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
