a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I died a long time ago.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
