ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
