i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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