i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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