I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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