so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
