I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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