I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
