Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
