Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the condom got lost in my hair
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I touched a dick in church today
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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