so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
