Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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