You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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