Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize