We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
